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April 17th, 2013


11:08 pm - Life
Life is interesting in so many ways.

Work? Children are children. *sigh*
Home? Many things accomplished. Whoop-a-dee-doo.
Personal? Blah. But YAY Yankees! And thank all that is holy for Destiel!

I don't know about anyone else who is a Destiel shipper, but I am so addicted to fanfic that it's hard to explain. I feel like I spend half my day reading porn, and it's hard to explain that to anyone who is a non-virtual friend. Online is where you are able to connect with people that have your same interests when they are specific enough to be about a certain 'ship' and not simply "I like to hike." I have found so many people online to connect with, but in person, people don't really want to hear 'gay porn between two tv characters, a hunter and an angel. That's how I spend my free time." It doesn't seem to go over too well with the general (close-minded) populace.

Regardless, I am happy in what I have managed to find online, and in my life... mostly. Well, online is fantastic, anyway ;)

While I'm at it, big hugs to Lisa (@mochachick8) for making sure to DM me at least 5 times a day and give me many spoilers, and to Sophie (@LetsGetLostx) for keeping me correctly informed about episodes, and actually being willing to read all the Destiel fics I'm planning to push on her. You ladies help me get through each day. Without you two, I'd probably want to gank myself!

Now, Jesus-fucking-christ-on-a-cockwagon! Stop reading this and go check out an amazing Destiel fic!

Today's rec: http://archiveofourown.org/works/751547?view_adult=true Let's Talk About Sex, Baby - NC-17 - PWP : Cas tries to talk to Dean about being bi, but Dean thinks Cas is coming out. Confusion leads to 'one-time favors from a friend' ;)  *This fic is complete*

And this one just because: http://noonewillrecall.livejournal.com/16602.html - This is a human AU. Please comment on the fic so the author will continue this *WIP*
Current Location: My bed.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Peaches - Presidents of The United States of America

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January 13th, 2013


01:54 pm - Destiel
So addicted to Destiel! I have been 'stalking' so many LJ pages lately, and the variety and skill of the fanfic authors out there has simply blown my mind. I can't believe I never opened myself up to the world of fanfiction before Ms. Mochachick (Lisa) showed me how fun and beautiful it could be. So much angst! So much love... Wonderful to be able to read so much without paying for a book, or searching a library for just the right thing. So many people simply take the time to express their love to the world, without ever thinking of payment or reward. It's a beautiful thing to behold. I'm so glad I can now enjoy it. So, thanks Lisa! :) And thanks to the wonderful SPNFamily out there, the best fandom ever! So, rock on Supernatural fans. Let's continue to love the ride!
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Adele - Rolling in the Deep (cause it's in my head)

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November 24th, 2008


02:12 am - Seattle - The Classic Crime
These lyrics are so perfect... I often listen to them over and over and over...

My real state
My life is dull
And dried up like the sound
A voice makes when the heart grows cold
And its going that way

I think I'll move out of state
Somewhere far from Seattle city lights
They burn my eyes
California sounds nice but California's a lie
Maybe I'm out of luck or maybe I'm just blind
Oh, this time

Rain on my hopes
Rain on my soul
Rain on everything that I know
It feels so ludicrous
The pursuit of this dream
We thought we'd be there along ago

My life is like a rolling river
Muddy and absurd
And although I might be mistaken
I know that I'll be heard
And i find the second I try to pull away
I'm thrown back in line
Oh, this time

Rain on my hopes
Rain on my soul
Rain on everything that I know
It feels so ludicrous
The pursuit of this dream
We thought we'd be there along ago

Rain on my hopes
Rain on my soul
Rain on everything that I know
It feels so ludicrous
The pursuit of this dream
We thought we'd be there along ago

And we are all looking for the same thing. the same thing
Seattle is calling me back home, back home

Rain on my hopes
Rain on my soul
Rain on everything that I know
It feels so ludicrous
The pursuit of this dream
We thought we'd be there along ago

Rain on my hopes
Rain on my soul
Rain on everything that I know
It feels so ludicrous
The pursuit of this dream
We thought we'd be there along ago

Whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa




*Now reflect*
Current Location: In my head
Current Mood: gloomygloomy
Current Music: Above

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June 18th, 2004


07:03 pm - Whew...
When did I stop having anything interesting to say? When did my journal entries turn into a quick synopsis of why I haven't written for so long? When did they become so boring and blase instead of being incredible, heart-felt, thought-provoking entries? It's kinda sucky. I'll have to work on that.

Anyway, all I have is one funny thing and one special note...

Special note goes out to Captain Quirk wherever she may be... I hope things went well, and I'm thinking about you. Let me know!

Funny thing... Lately, I have dissolved into tears on the slightest of provocations. I see a commercial that has something sappy in it, I cry! Well, the lowest of all lows today... I cried at the opening credits of Seventh Heaven, right at the part when you see "Happy" the dog. I cried because I saw a dog!!! How rediculous is that??!!

Talk at y'all later when I can turn off the hosepipe... ;-)
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: sappy love songs or something

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June 16th, 2004


12:45 am
Ok. I'm PISSED.

I just signed on AIM for the first time in at least a week, and it tells me that I'm now signed on at 2 different locations. Ok, HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN WITHOUT KICKING ONE OF THEM OFF??!!! I am only signed on in ONE PLACE, and why can I NOT find out how to kick the other person of my FREAKING SCREEN NAME!!! OH MY GOD I'm so PISSED!!!!!!! If anybody has the answer, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME!
Current Mood: irateirate

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12:34 am - STRESS!!!!!!
Ok, for the last couple of days I have been super stressed, which is odd as the students are finally gone and I have some peace and quiet in which to think! But I have been worried about jobs and of course... $$$$$

Trying to make it through a summer, basically... And it's rough, too. Rent to pay, bills to pay, loans to pay, and a new car that uses lots o' gas (and prices are up!). So, now I have 3 jobs. Yes, me... MG has 3, count them, 3 jobs! I have my teaching job, which should not be in session right now, except it has to count since I have two weeks of workshops I have to go to this summer, and since workdays start again on August 9th. BLAH. So, I get 7.5 weeks off, 2 of which I actually have to "work" and I don't get paid for them! Grrr...

So, the job at Sylvan is a must. Unfortunately, since students are withdrawing for the summer, my hours remain at 9 a week, which is only $90 (minus taxes) a week. Therefore, needed another job. And who's not going to be rested after the summer break? It's me! It's me!

My third job is working at a Lane Bryant about 15 miles from my apt. in a nice little place called Birkdale Village. Incredible place, really. Makes me want to spend money! But, I have a feeling that I'll be ok since I'll be too tired to spend any money this summer, what with 3 jobs and all... Anyone else working three jobs this summer? Didn't think so. Ugh. I have GOT to spend less money as I go through the year, and then maybe I'll be ok for the summer with just my one job at school, and perhaps a part time at Sylvan or something.

Anyway, I'm busy. And tired. And I get one whole day off this week, and so I'm taking it! It's tomorrow. And that's all I get. So, tomorrow WILL BE a refreshing day. I hope. I plan to sit around and watch HBO or Sex in the City Dvds or read Harry Potter, or go see my family at the lake. Sound good? I'll figure it out tomorrow. But for now, I must rest. Night all!


P.S. Last night I said to my mom, "I'm stressed the fuck out!" and she got pissed and hung up on me... grrrrrr! But I did apologize and will refrain for saying the f-bomb to my mom in the future. Sound like a good plan? I think so.
Current Mood: tiredtired

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June 5th, 2004


01:30 am - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban **BEWARE - Spoilers!!!**
~A Review of the Movie, by Mary Grace Farr~

My first overall opinion is that I am extrememly disappointed. Please let me explain why, and for those of you who have not yet seen it, you may want to avoid this post, as there are many spoilers!

Ok, first off, the acting was incredible, for the most part. Dan Radcliffe is really coming into his own and beginning to be an ACTOR not just some kid that looks like a picture and has a British accent. Rupert Grint was hilarious in this movie. His comic timing was continuously on, and he made an otherwise dark film a bit lighter (equivalent of Gimli in "The Two Towers"). Emma Thompson was good as well, and is showing excellent progress as an actress with multiple sides. The tenacious trio go very well together and have great on-screen chemistry. Other things...David Thewlis as Lupin was ok, but his character was not well developed, and could have been much better. Gary Oldman as Sirius Black was a good choice I think, and his experience is easily shown through his range of emotions in a short time. He did well. Malfoy (Tom Felton) was good too, but they made him a bit too much of a pansy... I like him though! He did well. Other cast and crew that remained the same did good, too, although the majority of the characters had a very stunted on-screen time except Harry, Ron and Hermione. The one that has GOT TO GO is the new Dumbledore. He doesn't even TRY to have a British accent! He is a good actor (Michael Gambon), but I just don't think that his version of Dumbledore adds anything to the film. Richard Harris was perfect for the part, and that loss kind of kills the whole thing. He was irreplaceable, I do believe. Michael Gambon did his best, but he didn't look the part, and he certainly could not measure up to the preconceived image I had of Dumbledore from the books and previous two movies. His timing is all off, and it just doesn't work.

Ok, acting was first, and was mostly good. Let's really get into it now! Here's how I would describe the film as a whole... "A poorly written student essay which is missing several essential parts, especially transition sentences to move from one thought to another." That is how I think of it. It just jumps from scene to scene without giving you a second to think! They moved things out of order and placed them in ways that don't make sense... It just was awful to watch! It was as if someone simply went through the book, picked some good scenes, cut out any "fluff" and pasted all the little pieces together. Horrid! I could not move my mind from one thing to another... and the inconsistencies, which used to be few, are now dramatically increasing in number.

I'm not sure who's fault this movie is. I don't blame the actors. But I do blame the director and the producers. The movie, when placed together by the producers should have been better pieced together. They should have seen that it didn't flow at all! That it just jumped around and was simply a jerky ride without much incentive to stick through the rough bits. The director should also have been able to see this. The director should have a picture in his mind of what the film should look like. He should have known that it was not piecing together well. It's like he put in the essential plot points and took away the meaning and the heart of the whole thing. He killed Harry Potter as we had all grown to know and love him! Evil Alfonso Cuaron!

One other person that I blame for this horrible disappointment is Steven Kloves, the screenplay writer. Now, he wrote the last two, so what the hell happened with this one? I can't figure it out! Maybe Alfonso pruned it, but many of the lines were wooden, and too much information was given at once. It was simply thrown at you! Rediculous! Or should I say "Riddikulus!"

Ok, other positives... the scene with Aunt Marge was funny, the images were great, although the coloring was very dark. I don't think it should have been made so dark because this book is not as dark as the one's that follow. It should have been gradually worked down so that by the time the fifth book is reached, it would have been a very dark year for Harry. But now, with the coloring representing the mood of the movie, they don't have much room to go darker. Anyway, the dementors were cool, Buckbeak and his flying sequence ROCKED, the patronus was iffy, the quidditch was non-existent, the passing out was not so good, and the ending was just retarded. Oh, and the scenery was COMPLETELY different and did not help anyone to respond better to the film. Its differences actually took away from the film as you couldn't connect with the scenery from the first two. Hagrid's hut is different, the whole grounds are different! And I don't think it works. And what is up with them ALWAYS being in their freaking jeans and t-shirts or whatever!! COME ON! They should be wearing robes!! UGH. It feels like there is no authenticity in this film. Yeah, these were supposed to be move positives. Sorry.

Ok, overall, if you compare this movie simply with the other two movies of the series, and leave out the incredible quality of the books, you're not left with much. This movie simply leaves a nasty, disappointed feeling in your stomach. A great two movies and a third that just doesn't reach the bar that they set. It just doesn't work. Maybe seeing it again will help, but I don't think so. This film doesn't work. They tried to change too much at one time. They lost track of the formula. It was "progress for progress sake" and sorry to sound like Umbridge and be a downer, but the formula is not a winning one. I sure hope that they figure this out before they make the same mistake with Goblet of Fire which is currently filming (since April).

Final thoughts... If you are a fan, go to the movie. See it for yourself, rate it for yourself, make your own judgments. If you disagree with my diagnosis I would love to talk to you about it (I always love a good argument!).

Final review... The reviewer for USA Today gave it 3 and 1/2 stars. I think that was being way too generous. I give it 2 and 1/2 stars because it had good acting, had essential elements of the film, and great images, but it just didn't come together the way that it should. That's the long and short of it.

Hope my thoughts have helped, enlightened, or at least amused you a little. Thanks for reading and have a great day!
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Current Music: bah humbug.mister scrooge.

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May 16th, 2004


06:49 pm
Ugh. I've been feeling really off lately.

Does anyone out there go through one of those periods in time when they just feel completely off? Like that stupid commercial for Zocor© or Zoloft© or whatever that damn drug is with the "depressed rock" scooting around with a rain cloud over its head!

That's what I've been feeling like lately. I don't want to leave my apartment on the weekends. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I don't want to go anywhere, especially work. I don't want to see my students. I don't want to see my friends. I don't want to talk to anyone except maybe my mom. I just want to sit around and read the 10 million books that I am currently in the middle of. Of course, the most progress has been made on Harry Potter 4 and Glorious Appearing, but that's beside the point...

I just feel... BLAH. I feel like this color. Shit brown. That's what this color is. That's the only way to describe it. I don't want to hear what is going on in the lives of my students. I don't want to listen to them at all. I don't care about them anymore, I just want them GONE. What is up with me? Am I just restless or bored? I don't think so because the only thing that I want to do is read and sleep! And possibly eat... Everything else has no appeal for me. And I'm even getting sick of HBO!!! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??!!! I don't even want to go out and drink! I don't even want to play games online! Do I simply need a change of scenery? Or what??!!

HELP!
Current Mood: blahblah

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May 12th, 2004


09:27 pm
Well holy shit... I think I just about fell off the face of the earth!

How did that happen, you ask?

Simple, I reply. End of Grade tests are next week, the students are absolutely nuts-hyper, and I started a second job on the 29th of April. Yes folks, I am one of those people that needs two jobs to make ends meet.

Anyway, now that I've told you what I've been up to (and it sounds so simplistic), let me also tell you that I'm practically pulling my hair out about my students AND I have somehow managed to pull a muscle in my lower back (for those of you who didn't know... I did it before Easter. It was getting better than I ROYALLY fucked it up).

Also, if there is anyone out there who reads this (and I doubt there is as no one knows it exists and I haven't updated it in weeks) but if you do read this, please don't mind my profanity. I like to be real in any place that I can be because in my jobS I am completely (aka censored). On here, I prefer to be me. And the real me swears. Yes folks, the real MG is no angel. And she's DEFINITELY NOT A NUN. Instead she's a person who says what she wants without regard to anyone else! Ok, that's a total lie, but if you ask anyone who really knows me, they'll tell you that I can be brutally blunt and that it's one of my best and worst qualities. Ah well... that's me for ya! Good and bad all wrapped up in one, but all for the loving

Well, my back is spasming and my brain is falling asleep, so I best be off. Love to you all in Ada (since you're the only people I know who use computers or online journals in the world *family excluded since I don't want my mom seeing the language I use!*)

Peace out.
Current Mood: naughtynaughty

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April 28th, 2004


09:37 pm - Philosophizing...
I've just been reading through Bryan's and Christy's answers to the many questions asked by ...well, each other, as well as others. I was thinking about their openness, willingness, ability to take chances. My whole life, the things I have feared most are the things that include the most change. Moving from private school to public school, going to college, moving to NC... anything that involved changing my life was devastating. It was an opening for vulnerability. A time when I may fail, or get hurt, or have to take chances that will cause either of those two things. Explain to me how that is really living?!

I look at christy... a woman who I feel like I know, and yet at the same time, don't know at all. She has changed, grown, become not just some person hiding their past, but a woman who has a past that is part of her. She isn't someone with a facade that makes up who she is, or who lets her past define her. Instead, SHE defines herself, if and when she feels like doing so. And if she doesn't, then she simply exists. And as she exists she encourages and is encouraged... she loves and is loved... she lives and gives life. She has fallen so deeply into despair, regret and many other things, and she is still alive and kickin' and ready to fight the very next thing that tries to get her down. How can someone be like that? How can someone have been thrown face down in the ground so many times and still be getting back up? I feel like I've been thrown down a few times, and so now, it's like I've simply moved away from the ground. I'm hovering a few feet out of the playing field... not letting anyone or anything push me down, but not letting anything get me up either. I've become devoid of life. I see with blind eyes, I taste and get no flavor, I listen, but hear nothing. I have removed the life in myself.

Yesterday, I sat in my house and read Harry Potter 5 all day long. I didn't watch tv, I didn't wash dishes or do laundry or grade papers. I sat and read. I walked away from my true fear, which was calling the mother of a very belligerent and intimidating girl, simply because I was afraid that her mother would be exactly like her, and I couldn't handle the situation. And by talking to her mother, I would simply bolster up this student and give her more power in my classroom by having her mother show her how to walk all over me. I was afraid. And I didn't call. I didn't even look at my phone all day. I didn't even TRY to call her as I did on friday and saturday. I simply gave up. I drifted off to a magical world in which I get to watch people play "hero" and stand up to all their fears and take them head on. I went to a world that I wish that I lived in. And that is something that I have always done! I have always wished to be places other than i am. I have always wished to have things that are not possible to have. And when I did truly have something "magical" it was something that I had to work at, and I so I gave up on it.

Take for example, Christianity. I have given up on christianity. I walked away a long time ago for some very simple reasons that seemed very complex at the time.

Reason #1 - My parents were against my "new found faith" and it was easier to back off and not have them harrass me.

Reason #2 - As a Christian I found many things about my life that were sinful that I enjoyed doing. And every time I did them, I felt guilty, and even when I did nothing wrong I felt dirty, and full of shame. It felt like I could never master sin, so I let sin win.

Reason #3 - People constantly pressured me to become better than I was, to change and grow. Well, seeing as I have a complete fear of change, it was a bit stressful on me, and so I found it easier to ignore them and run the other way.

Reason #4 - Even when I felt like I was trying to do everything I was supposed to do, and I was praying and being close to God, things often did not go my way, and I had to sacrifice or lose things. Well, some things are ok, but I felt like I just kept losing everything or everyone that I really cared about. And it was easier to hold on to those things that I cared about already, and lose the things that may have been better, or more wonderful gifts, simply because I was "comfortable" with what I already cared about.

Wow. That's it in a nutshell. And I think I put it in a nutshell pretty well. Fortunately, this time, while philosophizing about myself I didn't cry as I usually do when reaching into the depths of my tainted soul. Sadly, though, I also find it very easy to speak truths, but like Jason after he lost his memory (check out GH) I also find it hard to have any remorse for what I have done. I still look at my life and say, "Wow. I've really fucked this up, haven't I?" And at the same time, I'm too afraid of making it worse, and so I shall stay in the same shunted pattern of growth, and horribly redundant path that I have been forging for myself for quite a while now.

Anyway, time for an apple martini...

Someday... please someday... I need someone to help me break my cycle. To shock the monotony out of my system and force me to change. PLEASE!

And now that you all have a deeper understanding of the real MG and what makes her tick, feel free to never talk to me again because you're so disgusted. So, I'll just be leaving now. Later.
Current Mood: numbnumb

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